Recently on a nanny board there was a post where a nanny was distraught because her twelve year old charge saw an email on the nanny's computer where she was complaining about her parents and ran it off and gave it to the mom. It was never clear if she was a live-in nanny, but for sake of argument I will take the position that she was a live in and the computer was in her room.
She was upset that the 12 year old invaded her privacy and the mom told the nanny "we will talk about this later". She felt the mom's first reaction should have been angry at the daughter for invading the nanny's private space.
Let's face it, human nature says if you write something negative about me, I am going to concentrate on that first! She probably dealt with the daughter later, but her first reaction was about being hurt that the nanny said something unkind. Difficult situation as the nanny said she actually likes the parents, just had a bad day. We don't even know the time frame and if she wrote this on "their time" or her off time. Every detail counts in situations like this.
Nannies for the most part ran to her defense about the privacy issue. I think we miss the point if that is our first reaction. When you work and live in the same place, you need to be careful. Everyone vents about their job from time to time with a trusted friend or family member. It is better to wait until you are off and call someone rather than put it in writing. A good friend will listen, let you get it out and not comment too much. If she does, hopefully she will try to look at the issue from both sides and be honest with you.
If you MUST write it out, do it in a private email, never on a public platform, and then delete it from your sent file. If your friend answers, read and delete! Don't assume just because you should have "a right to privacy" that you will get it.
We live in an era where privacy can be invaded in so many ways---curious 12 year olds (especially if subject line had something that caught her eye) or your computer can even be compromised. There are sick people out there who might just like to share what you write!
You can get indignant all you want but you should learn to take responsibility for your own actions. Clients deserve to know that what happens in their home stays in their homes. If you share and sometimes you need to for your own sanity, be very careful who you call. Be even more careful if you put it in writing.
If you screw up, the first thing you should be asking is how do I handle this in a professional manner? Think how you would feel if the situation was reversed. Try not to rationalize your actions--look at it from all view points. It is the only way to solve problems. The first thing might be to apologize to the client/parent and let them know that this was a trusted friend and you had a bad day and just needed to vent. Let them know you understand how it made them feel and you are very sorry for that pain. Share the positive things you feel about them. You might even add that you are sure there are days you frustrate them and they share with a friend and if you overheard them, you would probably feel as they do now.
If you acknowledge the person's right to their feelings, you can usually move on to the other issue which is you need to know your private space is private. Would it be possible to sit down with the 12 year old together and let her know how important your privacy is to you?
I think what bothered me about the original post was that she didn't recognize the dangers of emails and public postings. Friends can betray your confidence and computers can be compromised as we live in a world where information is seldom sacred.
Write it out if it makes you feel better---just think twice before you hit send....
She was upset that the 12 year old invaded her privacy and the mom told the nanny "we will talk about this later". She felt the mom's first reaction should have been angry at the daughter for invading the nanny's private space.
Let's face it, human nature says if you write something negative about me, I am going to concentrate on that first! She probably dealt with the daughter later, but her first reaction was about being hurt that the nanny said something unkind. Difficult situation as the nanny said she actually likes the parents, just had a bad day. We don't even know the time frame and if she wrote this on "their time" or her off time. Every detail counts in situations like this.
Nannies for the most part ran to her defense about the privacy issue. I think we miss the point if that is our first reaction. When you work and live in the same place, you need to be careful. Everyone vents about their job from time to time with a trusted friend or family member. It is better to wait until you are off and call someone rather than put it in writing. A good friend will listen, let you get it out and not comment too much. If she does, hopefully she will try to look at the issue from both sides and be honest with you.
If you MUST write it out, do it in a private email, never on a public platform, and then delete it from your sent file. If your friend answers, read and delete! Don't assume just because you should have "a right to privacy" that you will get it.
We live in an era where privacy can be invaded in so many ways---curious 12 year olds (especially if subject line had something that caught her eye) or your computer can even be compromised. There are sick people out there who might just like to share what you write!
You can get indignant all you want but you should learn to take responsibility for your own actions. Clients deserve to know that what happens in their home stays in their homes. If you share and sometimes you need to for your own sanity, be very careful who you call. Be even more careful if you put it in writing.
If you screw up, the first thing you should be asking is how do I handle this in a professional manner? Think how you would feel if the situation was reversed. Try not to rationalize your actions--look at it from all view points. It is the only way to solve problems. The first thing might be to apologize to the client/parent and let them know that this was a trusted friend and you had a bad day and just needed to vent. Let them know you understand how it made them feel and you are very sorry for that pain. Share the positive things you feel about them. You might even add that you are sure there are days you frustrate them and they share with a friend and if you overheard them, you would probably feel as they do now.
If you acknowledge the person's right to their feelings, you can usually move on to the other issue which is you need to know your private space is private. Would it be possible to sit down with the 12 year old together and let her know how important your privacy is to you?
I think what bothered me about the original post was that she didn't recognize the dangers of emails and public postings. Friends can betray your confidence and computers can be compromised as we live in a world where information is seldom sacred.
Write it out if it makes you feel better---just think twice before you hit send....
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